Insanity
by norahenrie
Summary: Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it. JALEX, Justin-centric.


"_Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it."_

— Elizabeth Wurtzel

The responsible one. The one, who wouldn't hurt a fly.

Never questioned it, never doubted this is the perfect way to survive, never thought of the possibilities you're missing along with it, right from day one of your life.

You don't know better, how could you, you were born with this reputation, had no other choice but live along with it. Had no clue.

But that's okay with you, as long as you make your parents proud, be a role model to your younger siblings and have friend(s) you can trust in.

No one questions it, not one second anyone would even consider that you're unhappy, that you feel left outside.

But it's nearly impossible to be mad at them for it, with your sister being the troublemaker and your younger brother being Max, there's just no time for your problems. It would overstrain your parents, even just one of you is hard work, but three of you at one time?

You tell yourself you're old and smart enough to deal with your problems on your own; you've done it your entire life.

Only that you're not.

You feel like you're becoming insane, because there is the Justin who everyone knows, who everyone turns to if they're in trouble, Justin who has an answer for everything that comes in his way and then there's you, who just wants everyone to, just for a second, leave you the fuck alone and who is at some point tired of everything and everyone. Who wants danger.

But even you don't accept this other side of you, gulping down and shoving every rebellious feeling of yours to the smallest and farthest corner in your brain if it even comes to the surface, because that's not you, it's unacceptable.

Your sister is the exact opposite of you. She is witty and sneaky and believes in everything you don't. Alex is not afraid to show the rebellious side of her, quite the contrary; she only lets the people she cares about the most in to her kind and loving side.

Unfair is the only definition you can come up with. Even if you admit it on rarely occasions only, because you are _so not _giving that to her ego, but you're jealous. Jealous of how easy everything is when she does it, and how impossible it seems when you try it.

You are the wind; you capture the world with understanding, surprising others with an alert mind full of ideas and a great interest in your environment. But the problems is, that she is fire, burning everything you worked for, and you could win a Nobel Prize, or an Oscar, your parents would be more proud of her doing her homework for the first time in her life.

And all your morals, all you knew about good manners and education seems ridiculous, because you will never be as successful as her.

You are not the one to blame happenings in your life on other people, but you suffer over the lack of attention you receive from your fellow human beings on Alex. It helps you to keep on trying, to believe that it's her fault and not because you are not special or that Alex is being preferred over you.

Of course, you love her to death, she is indeed one of the most important persons in your whole world, but she drives you crazy, and not in the good way.

Nobody notices when you first stop studying every single day, sure, Zeke is a little offended about you leaving the Alien Language League, but he is terribly gullible and trusts you with all his might and believes every lie you tell him right in his face.

Your parents seem concerned when you get your first A-, and finally ask you what's wrong when you don't correct Alex that it's I-ern and not I-ron when she tells her mother that she totally needs to iron that blouse for her.

_I stopped trying_ is your answer, and when you walk to your room, you don't even expect one of them to come up to comfort you.

They don't know that you're hurting, that you're insecure because you think that it is not enough, that everything you do has to be perfect, even if you know as much as everyone else does, that perfection is not feasible, but you won't accept that, and it kills you.

When you're almost asleep, you see a slit of light from the hallway appearing at your door, and a silhouette of a person slipping in. You're still groggy from your half sleep, but when you hear her cursing under her breath when she rams against your desk, you immediately know it's Alex.

You're out of bed in an instant, letting your Captain Jimbob Sherwood bed linen forgotten in your bed, hissing her name, wanting to ask what she's up to, but you're cut off when her hand stills on your mouth.

Your sister looks at you with such an intense, that you don't dare to breathe. She's searching for your eyes, looking for the right signals, before she slams her lips on your own.

And when your bodies collide, you understand.

You kiss her back, resting one hand on her waist and the other on the back of her head to close the distance between you, while she slides her fingers in your hair, pushing you towards her, but it's still not enough, and you understand.

Shoving you on your bed she leans over you, meeting your tongue inside your mouth when you open it to moan.

Everything stops and stares this moment, the only thing recognizable is panting, moaning, clothes falling to the ground and you want want want.

_Justin_, and her breathing your name is so much more than just a pleading.

You finally understand that you're not the only one suffering, and you suddenly feel ridiculous for blaming it all on her. That you're not alone, that she will always be by your side, and every little kiss of her means so much to you.

All your morals, all you believed in, and even the same blood that each of you share blurs, because you become one with the person you blamed all your hurt on because she is here, and you two are, with all the secrets, scars and issues the strongest people in the world, together you are invincible. Everybody knew it but you, but finally, you understand.

And you should shove her away, telling her that it's wrong, _incest_, but you can't bring yourself to stop, and you think that it doesn't matter, because it's just another step ahead towards insanity anyways.

* * *

><p><strong>So I tried a different style, and it was quite fun. I hope you enjoyed it, and I wanted to keep it T-rated, so no smut, kink, etc. <strong>

**Tell me what you think about it!**


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